Friday, November 21, 2008
Ever Have One Of These Days!!!???...
This is not a pretty one, folks. But it IS how I was feeling, so... This Papercut is actually called "The Work Of Stress And Misunderstanding: Exploding Heart And Frazzled Nerves" but for short I call it "Exploding Heart".
So... That was my morning yesterday. I had no words, and this was my "talk" with Jesus. I was shaking and going berserk inside, but once I completed this... Well, let us just say that I was more open to letting God soften my heart once again. Sometimes, I let my pride, my justifications, my "I am the right one" attitude just take over and harden my heart. It makes me nervous, tense, and it makes me feel and act just awful. There was a situation that started the night before that just had me seething, but I closed up and pent it up allowing it to sprout bitterness and more anger and lots of "dagger" looks to use the next morning. A "do not disturb" sign was posted on my heart, my mind, and my soul... I shut out everyone, even God. That is how fed up and angry I was. I knew I was wrong. Hello, I shut out my Jesus, the only one who could help me and bring relief to the situation.
In a desperate attempt to begin at least opening the slammed doors of my heart, and knowing I needed to express it all in SOME way, I did this cut. After it was complete, I immediately remembered, "I am SO nothing good without Jesus." I have hit rock bottom in my emotional, spiritual, physical world before ... 2005 was my year. I saw myself at my worst and I know I could not live through that again. I do not EVER want to see that person that I became again. I hurt my family, friends, anyone near me at the time. I am ashamed to even admit it. But... I serve a faithful and merciful God. He heard the deepest cries of my heart. He read the hidden messages of my mind, and He took the little cracks of opportunities to remind me of His great and awesome love for me.
This is what I remembered yesterday morning. I am nothing good without Jesus. But if I allow Him even just a teeny crack He is able to slowly pry my heart open, with my consent of course, to let in His peace, His joy, His hope, His grace, His comfort, etc... into my heart, mind, and soul once again.
Please, let Him in... You will NOT regret it. Jesus loves you, and He wants your heart, your emotions, your soul so He can protect it, preserve it, and grow His beautiful seeds in it. That is when you will find true happiness, true joy, true peace, true love and acceptance, and anything else you are looking for...
Be blessed, and know... I have prayed that each person who reads this entry can be heart-touched in a special way today.